"COUSINS" BY VAMPIRE WEEKEND

My friend Chris Schafer sent me the new Vampire Weekend album, "Contra." They have been compared to Paul Simon, especially Simon's album, Graceland. I think people are mostly right to intuit that connection; but, on the other hand, I am not sure Vampired Weekend has gained the right to be compared to this landmark album.

Note, I have only head Graceland recently in the past two to three years, but I still think it must definitely be remembered among the best albums of the mid 80's.

Initially, I thought that Graceland was written as a response to the civil war in Nicaragua, but it's actually inspired by gumboots like the Boyoyo Boys and west African rhythmic signatures, as well of course, American pop folk zydeco.

"Contra" is an ample canvas, there is a lot going on. But, Simon had to muster a connective narrative thread to unite the genres he was mashing. I mean in the title track he says, "I am following the river down the highway through the cradle of the Civil War", to reach the home of Elvis, the king of rock, the messiah of the Mississippi.

I am not sure Vampire Weekend are up there yet. I expect the fun of four effing barely old-enough-to-drink Columbia U yawpers having the time of their life writing songs with titles like Horchata, etc.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1e0u11rgd9Q

MY NEW FAVORITE ARTIST, COLIN SCHAFER

I have been told by the artist's father that this is an illustration of a pterodactyl. The artist calls me, in fact, pterodactyl after pulling a little stunt in a ridiculously tiny Thai funearal restaurant.

I was telling an anecdote about how on transcontinental flight little babies that are crying vociferously resemble like fleshy pterodactyls, and proceeded to rear my stupid head and give the funeral restaurant an auditory taste of what that sounds like.

My call summoned even the chefs in the back of this tiny Thai funeral restaurant.

PROOF THAT MY MAMA LOVES ME

ANOTHER MEETING, ANOTHER MUSING ON SECRET CAVE BASES

In this installment of "Secret Cave Bases" we will discuss submerged lairs, subterranean cave bases, and underground bivouacs. These most secret of the secret cave bases are special because their proprietors have placed an emphasis on location, location, and location. Now, submerged lairs can take the form of nuclear war bunkers, drainage and sewer defunct control rooms, and underground bivouacs. Let me give you some examples of submerged lairs. For example, the bunker that the gun-toting couple in "Tremors" own is an example, so is the super cool bunker that Christian Slater had in "Gleaming the Cube," although these sites were not used for the evil and malfeasance that secret cave bases are intended for. Usually, the secret cave bases that are designated as submerged lairs usually have an apocalyptic tinge to them so they usually have cans of peachers, pears, boxes of chocolate bars, and possibly even M.R.E.s (Meals Read to Eat). Also, ammunition is in abundance and are tarps, ropes, and canteens (both to hold water and gasoline). Now, depending on the species of secret cave base, there might be missile guidance or radar control system but submerged lairs are a little more on the raw side. By far, the most famous submerged lair or super secret cave base is Bruce Wayne's Batman Locker. From this spot, Bruce can monitor the city, route bad guys from their holes, and keep Gotham safe. Another famous person that totally has a super secret cave base and uses it to his advantage it Osama Bin Laden. His secret cave base is so secret that not even drones, interceptors, or manless reconaissance vultures can not find him. Now that I think about it, Osama Bin Laden and Bruce Wayne have many things in common: both are from affluent families, both have super secret cave bases, and both know how to manipulate and utilize the media.

ODE TO TEÓFILO CUBILLAS

Five goals in subsequent World Cups, eight years apart.
That’s like a six minute moon-mile followed by Marathon Calculus.
That’s like Pele calling you heir apparent at F.I.F.A.’s Drosophilia lab.
That’s like Messi leading you to the Ephedrine Caucus.

I say, always be wary of boyish-men that can evade aging pathogens.
Men they call Boy or Kid are flagrant eternalists— fugitives from codices of nature,
refugees from the Kingdom, commuters in an Appalachian parking lot.
As the facts sheets display, you made name in Mexico ’70 despite
Peru’s initial poor showing. And who could blame Peru, the squad left
Lima as the Earthquake Mammon began grumbling for peasant blood?

In fact, Peru vs. Bulgaria stands out in World Cup Annals especially
because Cubillas and Co. were able to rally back and best the Bulgarians
3-2 (after Bulgarians scored two in first half).
The real spectacle was that Cubillas and Co. were able to play at all
for the graphic yellow projectionists had descended on Mexico City
with news about the ghastly toll the earthquake gulched.

You see, the thing about Cubillas is that he proved he could not be stirred
or pressured into mistakes. Regardless of who he was megging, he moved
at a pace of his predeliction.

With that balón control he was saying, the onus is on you to route from me
control of this leather finesse. He was saying, perhaps your vocabulary
is a tiny bit insufficient for this largesse.