GLASTNOST POP AND LOCK AS TOLD TO AUTHOR BY CELEBRATED RUSSIAN NOVELIST VICTOR PELEVIN

According to Pelevin,
during the late 80's
breakdancers descended
on Moscow in hermetically
sealed track suits requesting
to be shot into space.

Fearing cultural incursion
the Russians speeded production
on a line of Gummi bear Kalishnakovs
and chocolate sickles.

They entertained launch
of a galactic pod of wall-to-wall
Linoleum and Loudspeakers,
but could not secure cosmic
rights to Bambaataa's "Planet Rock."

Furthermore, to enhance their
failing prestige the Russians
prototyped shapeshift Colonels
and several shewolf Lieutenants.

Particularly, they experienced
immense success conditioning
a squadron of Bics to pen
the biographies of scions
and utilities magnates to be;
their geneticists isolated
the gene that prompts
indiscriminate, compulsory
roaming and knighted it
the wanderlust chromosome.

Last, they manufactured teeth
that could aria for sweet coffee
and bypassed copyright on millions
of Hawaiin shirts and knapsacks.

Russians traveled in unprecedented
numbers to the bosques of Central Russia.

Many stumbled upon clandestine werewolf
summits,and even more were turned into
radioactive gypsies.