ODE TO NORTH KOREAN SQUAD ON THEIR SPECTACULAR, HISTORIC DEFEAT

Kim Il-Jong played 18 holes in 19 strikes on the first
golf course that opened in North Korea.

I don't know squat about golf, but it seems highly unlikely
that a sentient, carbon-based dictator could not sink
over seventeen holes in one.

I'm no expert, though; all I know
is, duress engenders fiction.

During the last Olympics, Kim Il
bested a basketball cadre comprised of
Kobe, Jordan (who came out of retirement,
appraently), LeBron, Bird (ditto), Eisenhower,
George W., Hillary (State Dept. Intramurals),
and the Sancrosanct Void.

He has demolished the likes of Elvis,
Nixon, Michael Jackson & Obama at bowling.

It's true: the Glorious Leader and a squad
of robot mavens dunked on the leaders of the free world
(a team of Hillaries).

At this moment, in Pyongyang, N. Korean sorcerers
dismantle the stunning, historic defeat of its heroes.

The way the sorcerers will spin it: the rain played
in favor of the North Korean heroes; this facilitated
their transmutation into lake-jumping Pointers, or
Salukis with the breakneck of sprinklers.

The way the sorcerers will spin it : heat signatures
boiled from the crown of the Fatherland's heroes as they left
Ronaldo standing still, and played keep away from

his wiley co-pilots, the Portugese half-bloods
were swash-buckled under, the merchant mathematicians
proved no match for the superior North Korean players.

Kim Il-Jong, notorious cinephile, Uranium dunce
crisp military lapels and bouffant martial arts hair
amazing golfer, snorkler, spelunker, Formula One astronaut,
illustrious grand wizard of spin on the ball, any ball,
any sport played under righteous banners for Father-glory.

Those poor Portugese bastards, those righteous
unequivocal North Korean heroes.