WORLD CUP 2010: THE FIRST WEEK

By now, all las viejas (moms, wives, fiancees) and jefas (girlfriends, mistresses, et al.) have dug their heels in for the long haul. By now, we have all learned to hate that swarming drone the vuvusellas blow. By now, you have realized how the 2006 World Cup had a cumulative television audience of 26.29 Billion people. By now, you have realized that resistance is futile.

That's right, it's Mundial Time! For the next month, most of the men on the planet are going to be talking futbol shop. For starters, there has been much debate about the arduous conditions in South Africa, i.e. many of the games are played at way above sea level, and the bounciness of the ball, i.e. some space-age polymer developed in a secret futbol lab?

There has even been some talk about the lameness of a "tie" situation, (i.e. U.S vs. U.K. or the Mexico vs Republic of South Africa match, etc.) and how true American sports go into overtime to decide unequivocally who is the champion and who is the loser (and then they drink a Miller High Life). Ah, the impetuousness of youth!

America, this is no one-time Super Bowl or NASCAR race, the World Cup is a month-long conference of competition; the name of the game is endurance, not domination. Or in the immortal words of Eddie Murphy, have a Coke and Shut the F*#$ up!

The only real pummeling has come at the hands of the Germans against the Australians. The Germans were able to ram four goals down the gullet of Australia with quartz bullets. Their first goal was so deliberate and cunning that by the time Australia's defense figured out what was happening, Germany's Podolski had capped the goalie with a Death Ray. For a split second, I thought Podolski had debrained the goalie. Obviously, Germany, again, has positioned itself as the leader and forerunner to play in the quarter finals (at least they have the most points of any team).

I think most teams are playing conservatively because they don't want to burn out before their time. This might explain the low scoring matches between Argentina and Nigeria and Serbia and Ghana.