A Spanglish blog dedicated to the works, ruminations, and mongrel pyrotechnics of Yago S. Cura, an Argentine-American poet, translator, publisher & futbol cretin. Yago publishes Hinchas de Poesia, an online literary journal, & is the sole proprietor of Hinchas Press.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
THE INTERIOR DESIGN OF A SECRET CAVE BASE
We don't think about it much but the interior design of a secret cave base must suck a lot of time from a villain's schedule. This may be the reason why a villain might decide to hire an interior designer. Someone has to make the drab and craggy walls of a secret cave base more hospitable to those in a villain's employ.
Now, I am not talking specifically about a villain's office, which must have its share of W.M.D. blueprints, illicit archive of blackmail photographs, super secret profiles on all the world's spies, and kitty litter box for that white, short-haired cat all villains seem to have. No, I am talking about the innards of the secret cave base; I am talking about the living space frequented by henchmen, guards, and assorted agents of malfeasance in monochromatic jumpsuits.
With that clarified, the interior design of a secret cave base is no easy task. One has to provide a living space for the personnel without denoting the nefarious evil taking place within. One of the largest pitfalls that an interior designer can succumb to is not leaving enough space for a villain's favorite weapon of mass destruction. Whether it be death-ray or anti-matter ray, a villain needs their space and pity the interior designer that does not take this into account.
The interior designer must also ensure that there is enough space for interconnecting tunnels, gun racks, and hatches so that the evil henchman can communicate effectively, defend the secret cave base if need arise, and seal up the secret cave base if auto-destruct mode is engaged.